The House of My Mother: A Daughter's Quest for Freedom

The House of My Mother: A Daughter’s Quest for Freedom (2025) is a memoir written by Shari Franke. Shari’s family of eight became YouTube sensations in the mid-2010s, riding the wave of family vlog popularity with their channel 8 Passengers. However, behind the scenes, Shari’s mother, Ruby Franke, was often abusive and controlling, using her channel to project the perfect image of family life while inflicting harsh physical and psychological punishments on her children. The House of My Mother reveals the brutal truth behind the picture-perfect illusion of social media, exploring how the constant public exposure shaped the Franke family’s dynamics and fed Ruby’s dangerous ego. As Shari deals with the lasting psychological impacts of her childhood, she contemplates the importance of breaking abusive cycles and finds the strength to begin healing.

This guide uses the 2025 Gallery Books Kindle edition of the text.

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, depression and mental illness, and suicidal ideation.

Summary

From the time she was a young girl, Ruby Griffiths dreamed of growing up and fulfilling her “divine purpose” of becoming a mother. She attended college hoping to find a man to marry, and quickly met her ideal match in Kevin Franke. They were married just a few months after meeting, and Ruby became pregnant with her first child. Shari, the author and Ruby’s first daughter, was born in 2003. From infancy, when Shari was left to “cry things out” (9), she longed for her mother’s love and affection, but to no avail.

By the early 2010s, Shari was approaching puberty and had five brothers and sisters. Social media was taking off, and family vlogs were becoming popular on YouTube. Ruby’s sisters had recently begun filming and uploading videos of their family life, and Ruby was inspired. She launched the Frankes’ channel, 8 Passengers, in 2015. Soon, she had passed the 1,000 subscriber mark, which meant she qualified for ad revenue.

Very quickly, the channel had accrued tens of thousands of followers, and the Franke children were having their every move recorded and uploaded. For Shari, who was in the midst of adolescence, this feeling of being on display was often agonizing. She also suffered from increasingly intense anxiety as she feared her mother’s rages and learned to smile and obey at all costs to please both Ruby and the camera. Soon, the family was receiving thousands of dollars in ad revenue and sponsorships, reviewing products, and taking all-expenses-paid vacations.

Shari’s brother Chad was always a troublemaker, but as he entered his teen years, his tendency to act out began to threaten Ruby’s carefully curated family image. A friend recommended Jodi Hildebrandt, a counselor who had developed a self-help program called ConneXions based on the tenets of “impeccable honesty, rigorous personal responsibility, and vulnerable humility” (95). Kevin and Ruby hired Jodi, but as Shari researched the woman on her own, she began to have misgivings. There were numerous “red flags” in Jodi’s past, and she had had her therapist license suspended in 2012. However, Ruby was already obsessed with Jodi’s cult-like program, convinced that Jodi was something of a prophet. She soon completed Jodi’s training programs and became a licensed ConneXions counselor.

Shari was alarmed when her mother announced that she would begin one-on-one sessions with Jodi to become more “emotionally vulnerable.” In the weekly sessions, Shari analyzed her instances of “distorted thinking” so she could learn to live in the “Truth.” Despite her misgivings, Jodi’s twisted logic soon won her over, and Shari became “a card-carrying, insufferable ConneXions convert” (124). Her commitment lasted for several months until Jodi argued in a session that babies are manipulative and cry out of entitlement. Shari thought of her own desperate need for her mother’s comfort and felt the “shackles” that held her to Jodi beginning to break.

Meanwhile, Ruby’s transition into ConneXions resulted in more “elaborate” and “psychological” punishments for her children. She wanted to teach big lessons and often devised “theatrical” means of doing so. During one 8 Passengers video, Chad casually mentioned that he had been sleeping on a beanbag for seven months after his “bedroom privileges” had been revoked. It never occurred to Ruby not to post the video. She saw nothing wrong with the punishment, but the internet exploded. Overnight, the Frankes became “YouTube’s most unwanted” (134). Ruby and Kevin were accused of being child abusers, but Ruby was filled with a “self-righteous” anger, painting herself as “a martyr, crucified for her unwavering dedication to tough love” (136).

Shari was 18 and preparing to start her freshman year of college. Just two weeks before she was scheduled to move out, Ruby announced that Jodi’s “soul [was] under siege from Satan himself” (153) and would be moving in with them for protection and healing. She was installed in Shari’s room, and her presence represented an irrevocable change to the Franke family’s dynamics. Soon, Ruby was spending all of her time in Shari’s room with Jodi. After seeing Ruby sneaking out of the room late one night, Shari began to suspect their relationship was physical. Kevin, meanwhile, who had always ceded control to his wife, was becoming ever more shut out of the family.

As Shari began her freshman year of college, she was working part-time for an older married man called Derek. Derek was kind to her and well-respected in the church, and Shari confided some of her family drama to him. However, the relationship soon turned physical against Shari’s wishes, and Derek became possessive and controlling. Shari worried that she was “sinning” with him and wanted to end the relationship, but Derek also gave her a sense of validation that she could find nowhere else.

By Christmas, Jodi was still living at the Frankes’ house, and Shari dreaded going home. The holiday got even worse when Ruby and Jodi announced that the youngest children would not be receiving gifts to combat their selfishness and entitlement. Between the worsening situation at home and her involvement with Derek, Shari fell into a depression, and her bishop recommended therapy. The church helped her to pay for it so Ruby wouldn’t find out. Shari began to understand the abusive nature of her mother’s parenting for the first time and to see how it had affected her.

However, things were still going downhill at home. Kevin announced that he and Chad would be leaving the family to work on themselves on Jodi’s recommendation. They would cut off all contact for at least six months. Shari was devastated to lose her father, but also afraid of what might happen to her younger siblings, left alone with Ruby and Jodi. Since the demise of 8 Passengers, Ruby had thrown herself into work for ConneXions, and she and Jodi ran a Facebook parenting group that promoted extreme and often violent views on discipline and childcare. Neighbors began calling Shari with various concerns. The children were often left alone for long periods of time, and Ruby began pulling them out of school. Worried, Shari called DCFS (the Department of Children and Family Services), who found no obvious signs of abuse. However, Ruby learned about Shari’s “betrayal” and was furious, cutting her daughter off completely.

Through this, Shari began to build a new support network, including her aunts, who had also been cut off by Ruby, and a trusted teacher from school. She was also making progress in therapy and eventually found the courage to break things off with Derek. However, she was constantly consumed with fear for her siblings. She continued pressuring DCFS until one day, a neighbor called to announce that the police were at Ruby’s house. Shari’s two youngest siblings had been found in Jodi’s house after being subject to “a twisted training program” meant to “[purge] the evil from them” (285). All four of the youngest siblings were taken into DCFS custody, and Ruby and Jodi were both charged with aggravated child abuse.

The nightmare was over, but the Frankes still had a long road ahead of them. Kevin came home, began therapy, and set about making Ruby’s house into a home. He adopted two new puppies, and he and Shari each picked out a cat. Jodi and Ruby were both found guilty and sentenced on February 29th, 2024. Shari closes by describing the Narcissistic Personality Disorder her mother suffers from as “a shield” meant “to protect [her]self from feelings of inadequacy or harm” she suffered as a child (290). However, this response caused her own children to suffer terribly, and Shari is determined to break the cycle. She promises to look toward the future, but never forget the lessons of the past.