Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

Chapter 11 begins with Lauren’s story. Confused about the lack of physical contact between her and Ethan after a few dates, Lauren uncharacteristically asks Ethan about his intentions. Through their open dialogue, Lauren discovers early on that she and Ethan are not compatible and that Ethan has been struggling with his sexual orientation. Levine and Heller praise Lauren for her open communication.

The authors propose two goals of effective communication: to determine if a potential partner is compatible and to ensure an individual’s needs are being met. Effective communication also provides a healthy outlet for attachment needs and encourages one’s partner to engage in open dialogue. By judging the reaction of one’s partner in the moment, the communicator receives helpful information that can alert them to potential warning signs.

Aware of the difficulties anxious and avoidant partners face with open communication, Levine and Heller address each group with tips to improve communication. Using real-life examples, Levine and Heller encourage readers to practice effective communication and find satisfaction in romantic relationships. They provide specific advice for both anxious and avoidant partners, including when exactly effective communication may be most helpful for each respective group. For anxious partners, they suggest communicating openly when noticing themselves using